Time has become a very flexible concept ever since I became a mom. As an adult, time comes and goes; days turn into weeks and months. The older we grow, the more the years seem to fly by in the blink of an eye.
When you become a parent, an external clock suddenly becomes more visible. Our kids go through insanely rapid transformations in just a year, making us reminisce about how quickly time passes. I used to say that kids bewitch time. While they undergo both internal and external changes, our transformation mostly happens within.
The Concept of Time in Your Thirties
In our thirties, time can either become our friend or our enemy. Societal pressure and the picture-perfect lives we were raised to believe in create a ticking clock that can drive us crazy.
A quarter-life crisis is real (read more about it here) and it often stems from the shattering of that “perfect picture”—one that never truly lived up to its promised expectations. Our brains are wired with fairy tales and examples of “happy lives” that reality often fails to produce. These are dreams built on conditioned beliefs rather than our own authentic desires. The house, the job, the family, the life—it’s a script many of us follow without questioning whether it truly aligns with who we are.
For women, there’s also the biological clock, accompanied by a deeply ingrained, patriarchal belief that aging is a negative thing. This adds another layer of societal pressure, reinforcing the idea that time is slipping away. But these are just constructs—beliefs that need rewiring if we want to live authentically instead of making time our enemy and joining the paradoxical rat race against it.
Reframing Time: From Enemy to Ally
The fear of time passing is, as stated above, a social pressure tool. We either lose ourselves in it or reconstruct its meaning. By our thirties, we (hopefully) have gained enough awareness to see that the “perfect picture” is just a castle in the sky. Instead of striving for perfection, we should aim for what feels right for us. The key is to return to ourselves and let the outside noise be just that—a concept, not a reality we must obey.
If you’re going through a dark night of the soul, you are exactly where you need to be. Some beliefs need to fall and crash so they can be stripped of their power, allowing you to dream again—this time, about your own authentic path in life.
For women who dream of having children and feel stuck in a race against the clock—slow down. The harder you run, the more time seems to slip away. What if, instead of fighting time, you could bend it? What if by focusing on yourself, creating space, and letting go of rigid timelines, you actually opened the door for more possibilities than you ever imagined?
We have two choices: we can fight against time and lose ourselves in the process, or we can slow down, embrace time, and make it work for us by first mastering ourselves.
Dating and the Fear of Time Running Out
Dating is one of those areas where time, especially in your thirties, can become a hostile force—if we allow it. The trap of settling lurks in the background when our current reality doesn’t seem to align with the status quo. As women, our biology can sometimes feel like a ticking time bomb, creating a sense of urgency that isn’t entirely our own. This dual pressure—both societal and biological—can weigh heavily, especially in our thirties, making us question our timelines, choices, and the path ahead.
Why you Shouldn't Settle
1. Your Time Is Precious
Time is the one thing you can never get back. Settling means spending your limited time in a situation that doesn’t fulfill or inspire you, distracting you from your growth and the better opportunities waiting for you.
2. Regret Is Heavier Than Uncertainty
The discomfort of waiting for the right thing is temporary, but the regret of settling can last a lifetime. You don’t want to look back and wonder, What if I had held out for something better?
For me, this discomfort feels oddly comfortable now—because I’ve learned to give myself what I need.
3. Get to Know Yourself and Your Needs First
I used to jump from partner to partner, repeating the same patterns over and over. But spending time alone has allowed me to finally break these cycles. I know now that creating space for myself will ultimately make room for a new and better storyline to unfold.
4. Growth Comes from Reaching Higher
Settling keeps you in your comfort zone, but real growth happens when you push past limitations and go after what truly excites you. The comfort zone can easily become a trap—a place where you passively move through life instead of truly living it.
5. Energy Never Lies
If something feels “off” or uninspiring, trust that instinct. Your intuition is always guiding you toward something greater—you just have to be brave enough to listen.
I always feel like I have it easy because I already have a son and a life that is truly mine. It acts as a kind of bullshit filter. But in reality, I think it’s because for the first time ever, I value myself and my life so deeply that there’s simply no room for settling for less.
If you create a life centered around your own authentic joy and fulfillment—rather than external expectations—time becomes a gentle friend. It reminds you of how far you’ve come, rather than making you focus on what’s missing.
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