Embracing Self-Love, Personal Growth, and Empowerment During Solitude
I’ve talked about entering the dating pool and single motherhood, but let’s discuss being single for an extended period for the first time in my life. I made a list of what I’m grateful for in this time and place, being single. Of course, it’s beautiful to daydream of a shared life with a loving partner. But for the first time (ever, really), I’m pouring that love and those daydreams into my own cup. This, along with the utmost joy of spending time just by myself, has created some serious shifts that need acknowledgment.
It created room to unravel some shadows that needed to surface.
Being by yourself can bring up uncomfortable and unprocessed feelings. Well honey, those feelings are the very key that lead you to your freedom. Empowering myself has been both light and dark. Moving through loneliness, shame, heartbreak, and insecurities. Not all fun and games, but so necessary to create authenticity and a new, more evolved version of myself. I had to love the ugly as much as the beautiful. I found out that this newfound self-awareness was the base of my reality shifting in my favor.
Ambitions became clear and work has become stable and thriving.
This one was always a struggle for me. A thousand unfinished projects as a hyper-creative and easily distracted person.
“If you don’t know what to pursue in life, pursue yourself. Pursue becoming the happiest, healthiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself. Then the path will reveal itself.”
@elevatedstates
Facing my fears helped me on a personal level but boy, did it help me in my professional life too. Your place of self-love and self-worth is so heavily connected to your success in business. You, of all people, need to believe in yourself first. Yet another beautiful revelation due to being single and exploring the self.
My relationships have deepened.
My girls, my tribe, my crew, my family. Empowerment is like a domino effect; it’s contagious in the best way possible. Prioritize yourself but do it knowing your inner circle gets affected by it too in a very positive way. It might shift and end some relationships too, but beginnings and endings happen when we level up. Trust the process. It will pay off in ways you might not yet be able to see.
My mental and physical health are a priority and it shows.
Being single means it’s less likely to give all your love away. For me, food and nutrition have become fun and a love language shared with friends, family, or even just as a tribute to myself. I used to like to cook for others, but when I was alone, I’d roast a zucchini and bake an egg without any love, and that would be it. Not anymore. I have artist dates. The concept of artist dates was introduced by Julia Cameron in her book, The Artist’s Way. Going on solo dates to stay creative. The biggest motivator behind these solo dates is actually my son. The way he can play by himself with his unrestricted imagination was inspirational and made me feel nostalgic, longing for a time where I didn’t let my seriousness interfere with my ability to create.
Overall, I have been working on a personal glow-up that radiates inside out. Friends tell me I feel light and that they are proud of me. That’s nice and all, but the one person I wanted to be proud of me agrees. That’s what made the shift. That person is me, myself, and I. I’m so ready to unapologetically love myself as an act of rebellion.
And no, I’m not always holding all these things high at the same time. But at times, I do, and I did overall get exceptionally good at prioritizing myself first.
For those thinking, “But you have a son?” Yes, he is a priority too. But I want to set the example for him that he should do exactly the same and put himself at the very top of his own priority list. Anything in life flows from our place of self-worth and love. Business, love, health, wealth, creativity, and peace.
The most valuable lesson I’ve learned while being single might be that I can’t give what I don’t have. A piece of wisdom especially meaningful for women, who are taught from a young age to care for others above anything else. Let’s change that narrative and replace it with self-care first.
Pictures Nanda Hagenaars
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